Avoid Burnout: Practical Tips for Reclaiming the Joy in Motherhood
Feel like you're drowning in motherhood, and life? As a stay at home and homeschooling mom for almost 7 years now, I definitely know the challenges that motherhood can bring. Despite being a truly rewarding experience, motherhood can also feel all-consuming.
Endlessly working to fill all the needs of your family while burdened by often unrealistic expectations around being a "good" mother. And so, just as I did, many women lose themselves; their identity. And, shift into survival mode.
You are not alone, and just as I've been able to rediscover myself and find joy in this season of motherhood, so can you. Here are some practical changes that really helped me, and can also help you to make that shift.
LET GO OF NOISE (THE OUTSIDE INFLUENCES AND EXPECTATIONS)
In order to move forward and thrive in motherhood, we first have to step back from all the voices out there telling you what you should be doing. Other mothers, family and friends (who may mean well), social media, etc. Becoming a mother is a journey that already comes with much uncertainty and being continually bombarded with information and opinions on parenting can be overwhelming.
The first thing I had to do was take a step back, break out my notebook and have a brain dump session. Write down anything that is troubling you. Let it all out. Also take some time to reflect on the purpose and value you bring to your family.
Let go of the strive for perfection, the comparisons and need to be in control of everything...all of these are unrealistic and do nothing but stifle your joy. You can't do it all, and that's okay, but decide what is your livable balance?
START YOUR DAY BEFORE THE REST OF THE FAMILY
This may seem simple enough, but was a huge struggle for me. I am in no way a morning person, and waking up early felt more like a punishment. But, this is a biggie, especially for moms like myself who have very young children who still require so much of your time. It meant going from being awoken by a fussy baby and feeling thrown into the day, to feeling more in control and being the one to set the tone for my day.
Self-care as a mom is not optional, it's mandatory. This involved me making a list of "must dos" to be sure I was okay for the day ahead. I broke out the old trusty pen and paper and made a checklist that I began checking off, religiously, each morning. Yours may be different, but mine included:
Exercise
Prayer + Daily Affirmations
Take Vitamins
Skin Care
Fix My Hair (nothing fancy, but cute and presentable)
Get out of the pajamas and into an outfit
Listen to music, podcast, etc. while getting ready (anything to set a positive vibe)
Review to do's for the day ahead
Decide on whatever it is that you need to fill your cup in that time...that is just for you. My day is taken up by the kids, schooling and then time carved out with hubby in the evenings...so early mornings have become non-negotiable. You, being more centered and at ease translates into a happier and calmer home.
GET DRESSED - EVERYDAY
This ties in a bit to my first tip. As I said before, figure out what an ideal morning routine is for you. But, whatever it is, be sure it includes getting out of the pajamas, sweats, etc. and into a proper outfit. This is especially important for SAHMs.
Now, I'm not saying to be dressed to the nines and all done up. That is definitely not necessary. I, for example, have never been big on makeup. However, put on something that is still low maintenance, but that you wouldn't mind anyone seeing you in; cute leggings and a top, with a simple cute hairstyle, some lip gloss; don't go crazy.
Why make the effort? It doesn't matter if you're not going anywhere. When you look good, you feel good. It's an instant self-esteem booster, and makes you feel better about taking on the day. And, remember that you are deserving of some time and effort each day to make yourself look and feel good.
It might help to create a capsule wardrobe; just a simple collection of interchangeable pieces that you can create a number of different outfits from.
HAVE A GAME PLAN FOR YOUR DAY
As moms we have so many things on our plates, all at once. First, what stage of motherhood are you in? Do you have a newborn or perhaps a newborn & a toddler who are on different sleep cycles? All these factors play a big role in how you plan your time. Determine your daily rhythm and what works best for your family.
Just to be sure to have a routine in place. This will benefit both you and your little ones. Kids thrive on structure, as it gives them a sense of security. And, you will feel far more productive, and relieve some of that mental load.
Some key things to keep in mind are:
Give yourself some grace and flexibility. Don’t be too rigid…life happens; things come up, kids get sick, etc. The schedule serves as a guideline for your day.
Set realistic goals for where you’re at in YOUR stage of motherhood and not where you feel you should be based on anyone or anything else. The point is to establish healthy habits for yourself and your family.
I use a block system. I have a schedule printed up and placed where we can all see it. I simply break up my day into blocks of time (2-3 hour increments). So, there’s time blocked out for learning activities, for errands, etc. And when things come up I can easily assign it to the appropriate block of time.
Things can shift daily, but the blocks more or less stay consistent. This has been a life saver and helped me to get far more done.
FIND YOUR MOM TRIBE
Yes, I know; meeting other moms can seem difficult. But, motherhood can leave you feeling so lonely and disconnected, especially as a new mom. This is why it’s important to meet others. Every mom needs a tribe; it can be a lifesaver. For a long time I was a very lonely SAHM.
All my friends were still working, as well as my family (who also weren’t nearby). I was not prepared for how isolating it could be. But when I finally started getting out and meeting other moms, it made such a big difference.
It’s important to have others you can connect with because they are in a similar phase of life; women who get you. Here are some ways you can meet other moms:
Get out of the house. You can start by simply going out for walks or taking the kids outside to play. I actually met one of my really good friends this way; I was just taking the kids for a walk around the neighborhood after lunch.
Attend mommy & me classes, if you have younger kids.
The library. Many libraries have a children’s section with a play area, story time sessions, crafts, etc. I’ve met so many moms this way.
Join a local mom group. See when they’re meeting up or having any event.
Use social media to help you; join Facebook groups.
I know this can be tough, but put yourself out there. There are so many women just like you. It’s important to have women in your life who are in the same boat; who’s daily struggles and joy you can relate to.
AUTOMATE + DELEGATE
Finding balance is key. But, remember balancing does not mean having to do it all. I used to think as a SAHM I had to do it all, but I now realize that it’s okay to outsource some things.
Grocery shopping, for instance can be quite the undertaking. It means loading three kids into the minivan, snacks, diapers, etc. By the time I get the groceries and get back home I’m exhausted. So, instead I use Instacart. Want to avoid the fee, most grocery stores now have free pickup. Simply pull up and have your items bright out to you; beats hauling fussy kids around the supermarket.
Use a laundry service, get a sitter, assign chores to your kids, etc. If there are chores that you prefer doing, then by all means, continue. But, any task you can afford to outsource; do it. You'd actually be surprised how many free and low cost options there are.
Just do not let mom guilt get to you. It is impossible for you to do it all. It only leads to burnout and stress that carries over into other areas of your life.
FIND A HOBBY/SIDE HUSTLE
As rewarding as motherhood can be, you can still be left feeling very unfulfilled. You need things outside of baby shark and legos. It's perfectly okay to have a creative outlet; something just for you. That woman you were before being a mom, is still there and needs recognition.
What are some of your talents? What were you doing before becoming a mom? Is there something you are interested in learning? What are you passionate about? Whatever it is, find the time to cultivate that. It can be something you do simply because you enjoy it or something you can build out as a side hustle.
Either way it can save your sanity. I enjoy writing and this blog, for instance, has served as both. It is my creative outlet as well as a much needed additional source of income for my family and I.
You gain a sense of accomplishment and a big boost in your confidence. There are so many options to work from home via a company or through your own small business. Or, to learn a new skill from platforms like Udemy. The important thing is to have your own thing; an identity outside of motherhood.
CONCLUSION
Making these changes has been a life changer for me. I hope they can also help you out of the rut and redefine help you motherhood on your own terms. Remember that as a mom your energy is key. So, you being at your best benefits your whole family. Carving out ways to care for and elevate YOU actually makes you a better mom/partner.
Also, don’t feel that you have to change everything all at once. Change in itself can be overwhelming, but there’s power in habits. So, pick an area to target and slowly begin applying it to your life.
What drives you in motherhood? And, what is your biggest struggle? Are there any other things that have worked for you?
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